If life were a reality show, I sure could use a better producer, better lighting to make me look younger, and more flattering camera angles to make me look 15 pounds (make that 20) lighter.
Let’s see, it all began when I said “Yes to the Dress,” and suddenly I was a wife. “Wife Swap” never sounded appealing to me, and I guess we don’t have a weird enough life for that to be interesting. But there was no rest for the weary as our lives then became a “Baby Story” as we entered the world of parenthood when Hannah was born.
Through the diaper-changing decade of my life, I never imagined getting a full night’s sleep or actually having time for myself. But from the other side, I can tell you that those baby years flew by in a blur, and even the most exhausting days are memories I now treasure.
Most of my early mom-days seemed like an episode of “Survivor,” and I definitely felt out-numbered by the other team. Nobody ever voted me off the “island” and I never had to eat anything gross, though I did survive on Schwan’s frozen chocolate chip cookie dough some nights when I was up all night with a crying baby or fevered toddler.
About a decade ago, we renovated our old farmhouse, and I was “Flipping Out,” through that entire summer as I chased two preschoolers around, grew bigger than a house during my third pregnancy as I selected all the lighting fixtures, carpeting and trim for the new house.
After four pregnancies all but destroyed my body, I sure could have used “The Biggest Loser” to come into my life, but instead I kept on running “The Amazing Race” up and down the stairs with over-stuffed laundry baskets. Didn’t have the same weight loss impact, though, and I never traveled to exotic places in the world.
Now that my children are all school-age, I feel like an “American Idol,” having made it thus far, and expect a standing ovation from the crowd. But I’m not sure I want anyone to vote on “pitchy” life.
Keeping up with two teenage daughters does sometimes feel like “Project Runway,” and yes, unplugging the toilet each and every day is one of the worst “Dirty Jobs,” you could have.
I guess I am still learning how to be the mom God wants me to be, but I think I have the big stuff figured out.
Getting out of bed is the first step.
Making it until bedtime is the miracle.
I may never be a “Top Chef,” but I do know how to make a mean grilled cheese sandwich.
And though most days I feel more like the “Antiques Roadshow,” than a “Real Housewife” from anywhere, there is one “Myth Buster” reality check I know for sure.
Life is as real as it gets.
Just don’t send a camera crew to my house.
Yep, I think I have been watching too much television lately.
Published: June 8, 2011