When to quit - Is “sticking it out” unhealthy?
Unemployment in the U.S. is at 9.1 percent and some areas of North America have been hit far worse than that number reflects. With that in mind, would you quit your job without having something else lined up? The answer is probably “No way!” But what if your job was getting so bad you started fantasizing about checking into a hospital just to escape?
That’s the crisis point “Marilyn” (true story, name changed) reached after six months on her new job. The opportunity was a good one. She’d held a position of responsibility at her old job and enjoyed many good relationships there, but the new one offered growth opportunities that the old one couldn’t. Besides, after nine years, she was ready for a new challenge.
But the new job turned out to be a slow-boiling nightmare. The position was high-stress like her old one, but she could have handled that in spades if the work environment reflected the professional situation she had left. Instead of courtesy and camaraderie, she faced daily rounds of sarcasm from coworkers who were uninterested in knowing her as anything other than a body at a desk.
Between their condescending responses to her normal “new-person” questions, and their excluding her from social conversations, she began to get the terrible feeling her new coworkers just didn’t like her. She hated to think that, and did everything she could to put a positive spin on her situation. But days dragged into weeks, and even the passage of months did nothing to improve matters.
Since Marilyn couldn’t stand the thought of quitting, she fought harder. Her stomach hurt most days just from the physical anxiety in her work life. She put in 10 and 11 hour days, missed valuable time with her young son, and even began to consider counseling as an outlet for her tearful thoughts.
That’s when “sticking it out” became unhealthy. She took the courageous step of handing in her two weeks’ notice, and finished her last two weeks with the professional integrity her colleagues lacked.
I’m sure there are a thousand variations on Marilyn’s story. Sometimes life takes us to a tipping point, where we have to look at the larger ramifications of the sacrifices we make to feed and care for ourselves and our families. No school ever teaches you how to make such frightening decisions. In fact, I don’t know how anyone could do it without the emotional support of friends and family.
People who truly love their jobs are few and far between, and many are overworked and underpaid. (Full disclosure: I like my current job). Still, we’re resilient people with a “quit your crying and do your job” mentality that gets us through lots of less-than-desirable working conditions. But as the National Geographic documentary Stress: Portrait of a Killer (available through instant streaming on Netflix) explains, stress is not just unpleasant—it’s really really bad for you.
Examining everything from stressed-out baboons to British public servants, Stanford University neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky studies the toll stress takes on our brains and the body’s ability to repair itself. The documentary also attempts to give helpful tips on de-stressing, although the primary one seems to be to get out of that job where you’re constantly criticized and forced to watch your back at every corner. Not exactly practical for most people.
In an ideal world, you apply for another job, get it, and leave, but sometimes that isn’t possible. When we’ve given it our best and it still comes down to a choice between our mental equilibrium and our paycheck, the paycheck might not actually be worth it. Sure, sometimes we can stick it out until that terrible boss leaves, or until that long-awaited promotion comes through ... and sometimes we can’t. If you’re facing this kind of rock-and-an-unemployed-place choice, don’t try to make it alone. Talk to your family, friends, a pastor or other trusted confidant and use their perspectives to make as well-rounded and sound a decision as you can possibly make. It’s not just a question of toughness and integrity—it’s about your health, too.
When I checked with “Marilyn” about sharing her story in this column, after reading it, she said “I’ve been beating myself up for this decision, but after reading the article and reliving some of the experiences I had there, at the end of the day it was my life or the job. I chose my life. Thank you so much for putting my story into words.”
For a free copy of a booklet, “When Your Work is Killing You,” write to Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22802 or melodied@mennomedia.org.
Another Way is a column from Third Way Media by Melodie Davis. She is the author of nine books, most recently Whatever Happened to Dinner and has written Another Way since 1987. She is also the producer and cohost of Shaping Families radio program airing nationally.
That’s the crisis point “Marilyn” (true story, name changed) reached after six months on her new job. The opportunity was a good one. She’d held a position of responsibility at her old job and enjoyed many good relationships there, but the new one offered growth opportunities that the old one couldn’t. Besides, after nine years, she was ready for a new challenge.
But the new job turned out to be a slow-boiling nightmare. The position was high-stress like her old one, but she could have handled that in spades if the work environment reflected the professional situation she had left. Instead of courtesy and camaraderie, she faced daily rounds of sarcasm from coworkers who were uninterested in knowing her as anything other than a body at a desk.
Between their condescending responses to her normal “new-person” questions, and their excluding her from social conversations, she began to get the terrible feeling her new coworkers just didn’t like her. She hated to think that, and did everything she could to put a positive spin on her situation. But days dragged into weeks, and even the passage of months did nothing to improve matters.
Since Marilyn couldn’t stand the thought of quitting, she fought harder. Her stomach hurt most days just from the physical anxiety in her work life. She put in 10 and 11 hour days, missed valuable time with her young son, and even began to consider counseling as an outlet for her tearful thoughts.
That’s when “sticking it out” became unhealthy. She took the courageous step of handing in her two weeks’ notice, and finished her last two weeks with the professional integrity her colleagues lacked.
I’m sure there are a thousand variations on Marilyn’s story. Sometimes life takes us to a tipping point, where we have to look at the larger ramifications of the sacrifices we make to feed and care for ourselves and our families. No school ever teaches you how to make such frightening decisions. In fact, I don’t know how anyone could do it without the emotional support of friends and family.
People who truly love their jobs are few and far between, and many are overworked and underpaid. (Full disclosure: I like my current job). Still, we’re resilient people with a “quit your crying and do your job” mentality that gets us through lots of less-than-desirable working conditions. But as the National Geographic documentary Stress: Portrait of a Killer (available through instant streaming on Netflix) explains, stress is not just unpleasant—it’s really really bad for you.
Examining everything from stressed-out baboons to British public servants, Stanford University neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky studies the toll stress takes on our brains and the body’s ability to repair itself. The documentary also attempts to give helpful tips on de-stressing, although the primary one seems to be to get out of that job where you’re constantly criticized and forced to watch your back at every corner. Not exactly practical for most people.
In an ideal world, you apply for another job, get it, and leave, but sometimes that isn’t possible. When we’ve given it our best and it still comes down to a choice between our mental equilibrium and our paycheck, the paycheck might not actually be worth it. Sure, sometimes we can stick it out until that terrible boss leaves, or until that long-awaited promotion comes through ... and sometimes we can’t. If you’re facing this kind of rock-and-an-unemployed-place choice, don’t try to make it alone. Talk to your family, friends, a pastor or other trusted confidant and use their perspectives to make as well-rounded and sound a decision as you can possibly make. It’s not just a question of toughness and integrity—it’s about your health, too.
When I checked with “Marilyn” about sharing her story in this column, after reading it, she said “I’ve been beating myself up for this decision, but after reading the article and reliving some of the experiences I had there, at the end of the day it was my life or the job. I chose my life. Thank you so much for putting my story into words.”
For a free copy of a booklet, “When Your Work is Killing You,” write to Another Way, Box 22, Harrisonburg, VA 22802 or melodied@mennomedia.org.
Another Way is a column from Third Way Media by Melodie Davis. She is the author of nine books, most recently Whatever Happened to Dinner and has written Another Way since 1987. She is also the producer and cohost of Shaping Families radio program airing nationally.
Published: July 21, 2011
