Cut It Out designed to help stylists recognize signs of domestic violence

You’re sitting at home, quiet, finally, the solitude only adding to the torment that is consuming you. On the outside, you sit quietly in front of your children, acting as though there is nothing out of the ordinary. On the inside, you are screaming, swimming in all of the terror, all of the physical pain, all of the mental anguish, wondering where all of the dreams of a wonderful life you had just a few short years ago have gone.

That is oftentimes the world of a woman who is involved in a life of domestic violence.

Nobody ever goes into a relationship thinking that it will evolve into a disturbing, violent situation, but it happens. It happens far, far too often. One out of every four women report that they have been physically abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. According to the most recent data, 1,181 women were murdered by their intimate partner.

Domestic violence is rampant.

However, the state of Ohio is making a push to curb this violent trend, through a program called Cut It Out, designed to inform hair stylists about the signs of domestic violence in their clientele. On Monday, July 18, Kelli Grace, an employee of the Ohio Attorney General’s Office who is an investigator with the Crime Victims Assistance and Prevention Section, met with about two dozen hair stylists from Holmes County, to provide a training seminar in conjunction with Every Woman’s House.

The free training seminar is designed to focus on understanding how domestic violence affects clients, and how the stylists can identify signs of abuse, and give clients a safe space to talk, while providing appropriate referrals should a client seek somewhere to turn.

Grace touched on all of the myths, excuses and truths of domestic violence, but in the end, she said, it all boils down to one thing.

“We have a lot of skewed ways we look at domestic violence, but in the end, it is just that, violence,” said Grace. “Perhaps one of the biggest myths is that domestic violence happened when the abuser just snapped. People who commit violent acts like that don’t just snap. It is a pattern of assaultive and abusive behaviors and is built through a relationship over time. That includes sexual and physical attacks, as well as economic coercion and psychological attacks that adults use against their intimate partner.”

Grace said that in the many cases she has worked on, one of the most common statements from those committing the violent acts is that they just snapped and lost it. She said, however, that these abusers fail to realize that they chose the exact time, who they abused, and when and where they abused them. “They dictate exactly when and where it happens, and it is always somewhere that they won’t be seen, to someone that they know intimately, who is vulnerable and accessible,” said Grace.

While the act of battering a spouse is the commonly focused-upon form of domestic violence, Grace said that emotional abuse is just as damaging, noting that bruises fade, cuts heal, but sometimes the emotional scars never go away. She also said that the emotional violence often is the groundwork for later physical abuse.

In addition, Grace touched on how victims of domestic violence oftentimes want to break free of the cycle of pain they are living. However, the reasons for not leaving are numerous, and include love, children, fear of the unknown, religion, low self-esteem, fear of not being believed, status and many others, which is why the meetings with the stylists have become so important. To date, more than 40,000 stylists have attended the seminar, which means that there are 40,000 sets of listening ears now that are open to helping someone in need who has been abused.

“Stylists have a real rapport with their clients, and people tend to confide in them,” said Tina Zickefoose, outreach specialist with Every Woman’s House. “Oftentimes people who are abused feel ashamed and embarrassed to talk about it with others, but they feel comfortable with their stylist because there is a relationship there of trust. It’s such a positive for our local stylists to be able to recognize abuse and just be available and knowledgeable should someone open up to them.”

Deena Guzman, a nail stylist at Diana’s Design, said that much of the information was new to all of the stylists in attendance, and while it was good to become more knowledgeable on domestic violence, its impact and what to look for, there is a certain amount of trepidation for the stylists having to become involved. She noted, however, that those fears were allayed when Grace talked about how stylists are not professionals, and should not intervene with solutions, but instead point the victims to possible organizations which could help them start a new life or get help.

“We were all discussing how it might be hard to fix people’s problems, so it was a relief knowing that our main objective is simply to direct victims on how they can get information on getting help,” said Guzman. “I had no idea that there were all of these different programs and organizations out there in our area, and I am sure that those being abused may not be aware of them either.”

Domestic violence is a brutal, humiliating situation, yet it is one in which its victims are oftentimes unable to escape, for whatever reason. Through Cut It Out, stylists are being taught that they have an opportunity for being a sounding board and a step in the right direction for those wishing to escape their life, but may not know how.

“Sometimes it may just take a listening ear, or someone who cares enough to point them in the right direction,” said Zickefoose. “So many women want to get away from their abusive relationship but don’t know how. Who knows, this program may provide the answer for someone.”

For further information on this topic, contact Zickefoose at 330-674-1020, or log on the Crime Victims Assistance and Prevention website at http://www.ohioat torneygeneral.gov.